When I went to the chiropractor last Monday, I told him that he'd broken me the Friday before and he had to fix it. He was like - oh yeah, I thought I hit some good spots and you were probably going to feel it over the weekend. How bad was it?
I'm like... um... so you knew you had hit something and you didn't warn me??? What??? But I figured that since by Saturday I had been feeling almost like a regular person again and that in general I'm getting so much stronger every day that I would pretend that had never happened and carry on as normal.
Well, Monday he seemed to have hit my little ball of anger. Apparently it lives in the base of my right hip. It has been living there, quite content, I assume for a number of years. As long as I don't bother it, it does not bother me. It seems to be the place where I stuff all my anger and it has a good old time brewing up some toxic gunk down there. But, when the beast is awakened it does not want to quietly go back to it's confinement. No, it wants to be known and starts screaming.
So, for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning (until I went back to the chiropractor and he calmed it) I was one huge ball of rage. Nothing different had happened, it was simply that I had enough, my rage-storage place was full and it wanted to come out. You see, because I am happy to go off the handle for little things - leaving the toilet seat up, not changing the roll, dog wanting in/out/in/out/in/out - I store up the things that really hurt me and apparently make a nice little home for them in my left hip. Yay for that.
This is not the first time it has happened either. When I was at Kripalu I went to a wonderful restorative yoga class the first day. The instructor said he'd be teaching the gentle yoga class the next morning. At 6:25am I ran screeching down the hallway to make the 6:30 class only to find it was someone else teaching the class. I wasn't overly upset though since any class at Kripalu is a good class. Except for this one apparently. I felt like all he was making us do was bridge pose. I have never been very good at bridge, but it's never been a pose I avoided doing either, simply one that was challenging. But, the more he made us do bridge the madder I got. I could not figure out why I was so pissed off that he kept making us do bridge, but I could not stop myself from getting mad either.
Finally, after about an hour of being really freaking mad, I rolled up my mat, left the class and went for breakfast. I told my roommate how mad I was about that class. She had had a fabulous moderate yoga class - which also made me mad. I really noticed that even though I was not in a bad mood or "mad" (because who can be mad about being at Kripalu) that for that day I said ______ made me really mad a lot (things like the kitchen being closed so I could not get more tea - really big things!).
The next morning I lay in bed at 6:25 going ugh, maybe I should skip this class. Yes the class the evening before was by one of my favorite teachers, and yes I had really enjoyed it, but I was still bitter about the class the morning before. But, I made myself go. I was only there for 3 days and darned if I was going to miss a class due to bad attitude.
And, how happy was I that I had made myself go. My all time favorite teacher was leading the class! I did a little early morning dance of joy and got into the groove of things. Until part way through the class when he asked us to go into bridge pose. And I got really mad. And I was really mad at the instructor for making us do this stupid pose. It was at this time (I'm a little slow) that I realized it was the bridge pose and not the instructor.
Even though I have believed for years that emotions are stored in the body this was the first time I had had an experience quite like this.
Which you think would have had me prepared for my hip ball of anger that got unleashed this week. But, nope, I am a slow learner. Fortunately the chiropractor has a few techniques up his sleeve to help calm me down which along with my morning yoga helped. But it was really something to experience. I figure since the beast has been awakened now it must be tamed since it's not going to lie dormant anymore and I don't want it sitting like angry gick in my hips.
No comments:
Post a Comment